sometimes i don't really know who i am. there's just this blur of emotions that seem to be spread out randomly, scorning all attempts at definition. maybe it is the chaos theory at its very best. or whatever. but i don't seem to recognise myself much anymore. there's this sense of having missed something very important that i can't seem to place my finger on. it throws everything off balance and makes me want to turn around and head into the wind in search of it. 

i have changed. and it troubles me to not be able to pinpoint where and how. of course i could just be rejecting the truth but it troubles me all the same. what are the fundamental decencies that should have been parcelled out? they seem to have fallen apart, like a broken pearl necklace spilt on the floor. how would you know if you've overlooked one? it might just be hiding under the rug, peeking out at you with a bright unwavering stare but life and all its hurry rushes on. and it would be gone. just like that. maybe till next year's spring cleaning would you find it's twinkling eye but would it have been too late? the necklace has been restrung and reinstated without its kin. would its value have diminished? and what of the pearl?