rhoda. 23. nus. dgms. choir. sing(:


June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 June 2011 August 2011 October 2011 February 2012 April 2012 November 2012 April 2013 July 2013 September 2013 March 2014 July 2014 February 2015 March 2015 June 2015 August 2015 March 2016 .

Template by Elle and this is her blog.
Inspiration: charlove @ tumblr
Others: colour codes / icons (batch)

Learn To Be Lonely

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you,
comfort and care for you?
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You've always known
Your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love
life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
life can be lived
life can be loved
Alone.

and what can i say

i'm sick! grah. walked home today with an UMBRELLA and got soaking wet and i am now wearing a sweater, drinking hot cocoa and sniffing away. how wonderful. and poor little sick me can't rest because mr slave driver donovan chan wants me to do the bio report. all by myself. wish me luck. 2500words. haiz. u better not complain if its not up to standard kay. cos my mind is all fuzzy n can't think properly.

suddenly i long for the days when jean n i would walk home in the rain under her nice blue umbrella. singing choir songs. talking crap about lobster, pk and umbrella(do you still rmb?) doing the flapping of hands during paraiso. standing beside each other in every single choir practice. developing the extremely fuss-free score flipping system.(: running to the toilets. telling ghost stories in the middle of the afternoon. our book straps. flagging the 196 down before taking the 608 behind it. and all the other wonderful memories. i wish they would all just come back. ohwells.

rain brings back memories. some happy, some not so. times when i sat with yujia in the rain and played with frogs and times just playing in the rain dunking people in the pathetic puddles. i smile and can do little else.

my only comforts seems to be God and my stuffed toys. ohwells.

dreams were all i ever knew

blurring the edges of dreams and reality
can't i ever differentiate between the two?
waking up only to sink back into sleep
or was it the other way round?
i don't want to live in my dreams
but my dreams refuse to go away,
haunting me continually,
sometimes even coming true.
that only makes things worse
for it further blurs the boundaries between the two.
and what would you do?

had choir practice today. and it was really nice! the practice i mean, not the singing. my singing is just so horrid. argh. must practise more!! like my transition notes were horrible larh. oh yucks. cracking on every single F. ewww. and i just mananged to shift my transition note to G last year. now it's back to F. gahh. n would you believe it? all musicians love the note F and they always dust their works with Fs generously so as to make it difficult for me to sing. i've got to shift my transition note again! or maybe i shldn't. maybe i should just work on making the transition smooth. rahh. tt's much harder actually but it'll be fuss-free when i'm done. ohwells. which means plenty of Fs to be sung. and F#s for that matter. why can't i just be normal like everyone else and have C or D for my transition note? rahh. composers don't use that many Cs and Ds.

I Still Believe

Last night I watched him sleeping
My body pressed to him
And then he started speaking
The name I heard him speak was Kim
Yes I know that this was years ago
But when moonlight fills my room I know
You are here still

I still
I still believe
You will return
I know you will
My heart
Against all odds
Holds still

Yes, still
I still believe
I know as long as I can keep believing
I'll live
I'll live
Love cannot die
You will return, you will return
And I alone know why

Last night I watched you sleeping
Once more the nightmare came
I heard you cry out something
A word that sounded like a name
And it hurts me more than I can bear
Knowing part of you I'll never share
Never know

But still
I still believe
The time will come
When nothing keeps us apart
My heart, forever more
Holds still

It's all over, I'm here
There is nothing to fear
Chris, what's haunting you?
Won't you let me inside
What you so want to hide?
I need you too!

For still

I will hold you all night
I will make it all right

I still believe

You are safe with me

As long as I

But I wish you would tell
what you don't want to tell

Can keep believing, I'll live

What your hell must be

I'll live

You can sleep now

You will return

You can cry now

And I know why

I'm your wife now

I'm yours

For life

Until we die

i just feel like dropping out of time, out of life. reclusive in my own little world. my glass sphere where i can look out into the lives of others but they never do see me. a one-way mirror? hmm..

let the cards fall

i'm building castles in the sky, knowing they will never come true, knowing they will always be what they are - castles in the sky.

i just want my song to take flight

like the uncertain butterfly testing its wings
maybe i will fly?

a ceramic vase just doesn't seem right without a myraid of spider web cracks
i just want an extra scar or two.
to highlight my imperfections
but also to highlight the would-have-beens

maybe i would shatter even before i'm showcased to the world
but does the vase even want to be displayed?
displays are only for the exquisite porcelain and delicate woodwork
not for the homely and cracked.

age plays a pivotal role in the lifes of collectors
a few years could make a huge difference in price
regardless of cracks
but does that apply to plain old ceramic too?
or is only the elite porcelain considered?

what an elitist society

does a layer of gloss and varnish detemine the value?
or the value the layer of gloss and varnish?
which comes first?

like hairs on the head
i want to be anorexic! to escape.

is escape a cowardly act or a sensible one?
what is that feeling which triggers us to bolt?
applauded or rejected?
the criterion is just too vague

tatiana's dream is a dream
that never will come true.
so why do i continue?

the lily's pure white
is a symbol of innocence.
so why do i feel only guilt
when looking upon it?

this growing discontent
stems from only one issue
but affects everything
in my waking hours

it even haunts me in my sleep.

what can i do to gain rest?
from this constant gnawing away
of body and soul

and what would happen if it falls as rain?

heart racing the moment the screen lights up
when did i become so maddeningly irritating?

it's weird how people long for things
but never put them into action
it's weird how people wish for others to know what they're thinking
but never tell others
it's weird how you seem to know what others are thinking
even if you never asked
and you never bothered to ask

well, i don't either.

in a life that won't let us feel
in a world where nothing seems real
i have found you
i have found you

in a world that's moving too fast
in a life where nothing can last
i will hold you
i will hold you
our lives will change when tomorrow comes
tonight our hearts drown the distant drums
and we have music all night
tearing the night
a song

played on a solo saxaphone
a crazy sound, a lonely sound,
a cry that tells us love goes on and on
played on a solo saxaphone
it's telling me to hold you tight and dance
like it's the last night of the world

dreams were all i ever knew
dreams you won't need when i'm true
anywhere we may be
i will sing with you
our song
played on a solo saxaphone
it's telling me to hold you tight and dance
like it's the last night of the world
of the world


was it always this way?
the sunset so cold and alone,
the wind blowing full in my face,
but never offering comfort,
rushing past me in a never ending journey.
the oriole's call came out of the bushes
but i never saw it
not even a flash of yellow would it grant me.
its cries grew higher
and louder, a sense of urgency and
desperation instilled into it.
a loud shriek
and silence.
even the yellow gem would not stay with me.

i struggled to hold back my tears,
my shadow mocking me all this while
as it danced through the leaf-strewn path.
i bent down and stared
at the last petals of a dying flower broken
from the day's trampling underfoot.
i gently pried it from the hard cement
and let it stand again.
but it only served to highlight its fragility.

i remember that this path had been
a path of happiness.
that bend just over there stood
as a symbol of the first cries of innocence.
the warm rays of sunset used to envelope
ever so gently
portraying two shadows side by side
in spring's interplay.
i remember, yes i do.

i remember that spring is over
and summer is long gone.
the trees shake their head in realisation
of the long wait ahead
where rains will batter their leafs
and winds whip at their branches
lightning threatening even the most aged of all.

was stormy weather always so painful?
i remember a gentle caressing of water,
a steady rhythmic flow that cleanses and
refreshes. but now,
it only serves to amplify the pain

is anyone applying to be a psl? haha. not sure if i will try. hmm. got plenty of things going on.

mummy made sushi for lunch today!! woots. only downside was that there was avocado in it. not too bad but not very sushi-ish. at least she put lots and lots of japanese mayonnaise. yum!(: i just love japanese food.

i don't feel like studying for ss or doing maths assignment. sigh. i want to procrastinate! lol. but i can't afford to.): it's at times like this that you realise that procrastination is a luxury. haha. what am i talking about?

mr yang walked out on us today. which took me by suprise actually. haha. cos i was somewhere off in lalaland. but i don't think we were mean to him today. in fact i don't think we've ever been mean to him. he just expects too much from us when we obviously can't put in much effort for civics when the other subjects have left us all drained, when he didn't say that he wanted active participation at the start of the year. come to think of it, at the beginning of this year, he just talked and we just sat and did our own stuff. or at least tried to listen. and he didn't complain then. so how can he complain now when he set such low expectations at the start of the year? sighh. i don't really want to complain but i feel that his ridiculous behaviour has reached a certain point that it borders on childish pride. which is quite sad as he's our ct and ct's are meant to give us guidance, aren't they? ohwells. hope everything will be alright soon and he won't be so easily agitated anymore.

i really can't sing properly anymore. tried very hard this morning but somehow my high notes were high and airy and my low notes were nasal.): so horrid. i never did sing with nasal tone even during by bad days last year! how terrible.

oh Lord, please help me not to sing horribly for sis chiao chyi's wedding. please help me to always turn my eyes upon You and not to focus on singing techniques alone as You are the reason for this song, oh Lord. in Jesus' name i pray, amen.

thanks y-lynn for bearing with horribly screechy singing today. you rock girl.(:

new computer! with such a huge screen that everything looks tiny in comparison. kind of irritating actually. i want the old com back.):

the earth is full of His presence,
all of nature, all creation speaks His word.
everybird, every tree, every breath that we breathe
proves He is real, He is here, He is Lord!
for the earth is so full of His presence,
every flower, every sunrise lifts His name
from the east to the west,
fron the heights to the depths
He cannot be repressed or contained!
For the whole earth is full of the Lord!

smile!(:

sometimes you just have to let go to receive.

oh what did i just say? haha.

choir today. after such a long long time. i miss singing. i love singing. i adore singing for the Lord. it makes a difference you know. singing for self-glorification, self-satisfaction and singing for the Lord. it's a big big difference and it's obvious which is more fulfilling. some may scoff at my decision of giving up singing in a world-class choir to sing in a little church choir but i believe that my decision is the one for me as it was the one God wanted me to take. singing in a good choir has its perks of that i am sure. but singing in the church choir is so wonderful. you can really feel God working within you. although my singing may have deproved it still worked somehow without me even trying. how marvellous when you place everything in God's hands. n it's not like i wasn't putting in effort larh. i was just too busy trying to sight sing as it's my first time with this piece while everyone had already learnt it eons ago. so it's like i kept singing wrongly larh. so paiseh. so i wasn't really concentrating on technique though i know i shld since my voice is badly out of shape. i shall memorise the score during the week so i can concentrate on technique next week! the performance is next saturday.><" i had better learn it fast before i flop during sister chiao chyi's wedding. i must not ruin her wedding so yarh. PRACTISE! haha.

things to achieve this week:
memorise score
perfect mature tone
ALWAYS GROUND
drop jaw
HIT THAT HIGH NOTE

i don't really care about hwk already. i know i shld but somehow it doesn't really matters when i can serve God. of course i can serve God in my studies but my passion lies in singing. who wants to be passionate about physics? bleagh. disgusting thing. physics, chem and maths just so hate me and i dislike them too! haha. n i shall never progress in this three subjects so i can just fail my r papers too. ): as donovan says, retain larh.

someday i'll see my Saviour's face
the One who did erase
my sins at Calvary
i'll praise Him for amazing grace
that opened up a place
in heaven just for me

all sin and sorrow will be o'er
when i shall reach that golden shore
with saints and angels i will dwell
and through the ages tell
how Jesus died for me

sometimes i just wish that the Lord will just take me home. i'm afraid of what the future might hold. i just want to hold on to this scrap of memory and rest eternally.

goodbye.

just walk away and never look back. don't you ever stop for me. i chose this road and it will hurt. but you will be free in a very short time so fly away and never come back. fly for me.

the clock face stares impassively
and i quake under it's gaze
the second hand moves steadily
without missing a beat

awful, dreadful time!
that seprerates me from then
a solid impenetrable wall.
i turn and walk away

though moving forward
in time with the clock,
i know that i have never really progressed
if anything,
i have went back.


living in the past is always so much more alluring than the bright glaringness of today. i need my umbrella again. not to shelter me from the rain but to enjoy the rain with me.

if feelings were tangible
if they were matter
i would catch hold of them and never let them go

i would pour a clear blue liquid on them
watching the droplets splash and merge
pooling together
covering all of the feelings

then i'll leave it in it's glass test tube
and wait for that natural phenomenon

and there
i've got my blue crystal

look!
isn't it beautiful
my very own feelings
crystallised in a clear blue bauble

it may be endless it may not be
but i'll just keep walking on

i know i really should start my hwk and stop being a naughty girl but i really can't help it. ohwells. i really need a rest stop.

For Fruits Basket

Totemo ureshiikatta yo
Kimi ga warai kaketeta
Subete wo tokasu hohoemi de
Haru wa mada tookute
Tsumetai tsuchi no naka de
Me buka toki wo matte tanda

Tatoeba kurushii kyou datoshite mo
Kinou no kizu wo nokoshite mo
Shinjitai kokoro hadaite yukeruto
Umarekawaru koto wa dekinai yo
Dakedo kawatte wa yukerukara

Let's stay together, itsumo.

Boku dake ni waratte
Sono yubi de nee sawatte
Nozomi bakari ga hateshinaku.
Yasashiku shitai yo
Mou kuyamaneyouni
Nageki no umi mo koete ikou

Tatoeba kurushii kyou datoshite mo
Itsuka atatakana omoide ni naru
Kokoro goto subete nagedaseta nara
Koko ni ikiteru imi ga wakaru yo
Umare ochita yorokobi wo shiru

Let's stay together, itsumo.

Tatoeba kurushii kyou da to shite mo
Itsuka atatakana omoide ni naru
Kokoro goto subete nagedaseta nara
Koko ni ikiteru imi ga wakaru yo
Umare ochita yorokobi o shiru

Let's stay together, itsumo.

why do i always hold on to the past and let the present go?
i thought it should be the other way round instead.

i was right
i am queer.

why can't i just be normal?

resign all memories to the scrapheap
then maybe i won't judge ppl that much

does anyone want to help me go to aljunied mrt on monday?

trying to hurt me is no use
physical pain n pressure doesn't really affect me anymore
it's just an empty shell anyway
my spirit
is somewhere out there
beneath the pale moonlight

using barbed words don't really work either
i just pretend tt i don't hear

numbing sensation
i never felt it this much before
but it's quite enjoyable actually
accompanied with an icy sea breeze
that's the best taste

i'm not an elm
i'm a willow
i'm not a flower
i'm a weed

just try to break me
i'll like to see you try

i love the sistas.
n i know you love us too.

(:

i feel like typing a long post.

but nothing comes to mind.

talking nonsense helps one to relieve stress.

really.

nothing stays definite for long.

the only constant is a fickle heart.

saying yes or no is way too definitive.
it's scary.
an "i'll try" is so much easier to get away with.

maybe that's what makes me me
i never do definitive things
oops
that was definitive.

i need solitude.
away from the crowds of society.

was i this afraid of noise and din
and crowds and smoke before?

i don't recall.

my life seems to be split up into different chapters.
each time a chapter is closed,
i forget it.
erased, thrown into the trash bin.
and i start on a new page.

that's just me i guess.

and the skies will hide you all your days
so fly away, fly away

my goal: to grow as much as i can before i am forced to stop.

wish me luck!(:

i dislike it when ppl do sneaky things. in fact i hate it. if u want to know what i think abt u, ask me. don't go n wiki me or what not and then try to hide the fact that you're doing things behind my back. why don't you just BE A MAN.

wanting to put things right
but realising i never can

what is this vicious, circular motion?
a whirlpool of emotions?
or simply a hamster's wheel?

getting up only to sink deeper
when will this ever end?

stupid quicksand.

i m currently having a bad flu n i wish i don't need to go to school today. n i can't believe i'm not going for the play later just because i can't bend my knee. n who's the kind soul who paid for the ticket?

the oaks and elms break
but the willows don't


i just realised sth. i think i'm extremely slow but at least i realised it. God wants to be with you more than you can ever want to be with Him. yuppz. hope that i won't backslide and continue to grow in Him(:

i'm such a lousy snr. i can't even send chun long off. he's leaving tonight.): so sadd. n i like didn't even manage to go out with him and eat or sth larh. i'm such a lousy snr. but at least i saw him today.(: n i'm still taller than you! lol. i'm so mean. chun long, jiayou and all the best kay? the sistas will always love you!(:

when you're tired, just look up and He will give a song.(:

i shed tears too easily. even when i don't want to. even when i don't need to. it just comes.

as torrents in summer

i should seriously stop being so emotional and control my tear ducts or what not. it's detrimental to my mental well being! lol.

anyway, i'm feeling much better now. thanks everyone who was there for me!(: