and you will keep me safe, and you will keep me close, and rain will make the flowers grow

a little fall of rain
rhoda. 23. nus. dgms. choir. sing(:

can hardly hurt me now

this rain will wash away what's past
June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 June 2011 August 2011 October 2011 February 2012 April 2012 November 2012 April 2013 July 2013 September 2013 March 2014 July 2014 February 2015 March 2015 June 2015 August 2015 March 2016 .

i'll sleep in your embrace at last
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Friday, March 11, 2016 10:23 PM


You're too brash.
You're too tough.
You're too tactless.
You're too harsh.

Look beyond your insecurities.
Embrace your edges.
Let go of your anger, your hurt, and your sadness.
We can see who you really are inside.

Did you ever stop
And think
If what you see
Is really all there is inside

Tuesday, August 04, 2015 9:37 PM

change is difficult. actually, make that life.

but i guess if life weren't difficult, there wouldn't be much of a point in it. so there really isn't much else to do but pick oneself up, dust oneself off, and move on with life. no point wallowing around in the mud of self-pity.

ready, get set, go

Friday, June 12, 2015 12:49 PM

As the wise men once wrote
Never give all the heart
Well, it's easy to see
He was writing for me
I just wish I could play that part

Yes, he scribbled that love isn't worth thinking of
That it fades out from kiss to kiss
If I just learned those lines
Well, just think of the misery I'd miss

indeed, just think of the misery i'd miss

Saturday, March 28, 2015 6:15 PM

sarangi watneunde
geudaen tteonandae
gidaryeot neunde
deo bol suga eobtdae
neul babo cheoreom
heureuneun nunmuri malhae
annyeong ijen goodbye

Sunday, February 01, 2015 6:20 PM

I think that in the end, we choose our own burdens. All those things that we complain about and wish we didn't need to do? Well, we probably made a conscious decision earlier on in life that led to this responsibility being placed squarely upon our shoulders and which we cannot now deflect.
Is this something that should be lamented? Should we start avoiding all hints of commitment so as to avoid a burden later on in life? I think not.

Just imagine, if the runner did not have the burden of stumbling out of bed at 5 in the morning every day to run, would he be able to complete his marathon? If the ballerina did not have to rush off immediately after lessons every other day to practise, would she be able to perfect her routines? If the parents did not repeat the same word over and over again, would their child learn to speak? I think we choose our own burdens and they are heavy, but if we keep the end goal in mind, the going is easier.

Seeing everything in its place in the world makes things much smaller and less significant. That dreaded alarm in the morning? Just another cog in the works.

That isn't to say that nothing except the end matters. The process matters so much. However, we all need to put it in perspective so as to prevent life from becoming mundane and burdensome. Maybe then can we learn to appreciate the beauty in the everyday.

Saturday, July 12, 2014 11:11 PM

"Beauty - the beauty Peter craves - is this, then: a human bundle of accidental grace and doom and hope. Mizzy must have hope, he must, he wouldn't shine like this if he were in true despair, and of course he's young, who in this world despairs more exquisitely than the young, it's something the old tend to forget. Here he is, Ethan aka the Mistake, shameless and wanton, addicted, unable to want whatever it is he believes he's supposed to want. This would be the moment to do him in bronze, to try to capture the aching raw nerves of him, the all-but-unbearable final stages of his youth shimmer, as he beings to understand that his condition, like everybody's, is serious, but before he begins to take the necessary steps to live semipeaceably in the actual world.

In the meantime, he needs not to die."
- "By Nightfall"

maybe this is why i like reading modernist works, despite the doom and gloom about them, the futility in their struggles, the never-ending circles. because it makes me believe that there is purpose and beauty in the struggle. Nothing may ever come out of it, but it is the process that is where the essence is. Not in the way the adage goes of process and not the end product that matters; even if the process is absolute crap, like Mizzy, wandering in circles, never quite knowing what to do with himself, that alone, that wandering, that wanting of something not quite known to oneself, that, is where the essence of living is.

sounds a bit weird when thinking about religion and the purpose of life. but i believe that the two are reconcilable, for it is not really us going out doing the Work, but Him, isn't it? we just flounder about, trying, and beauty happens.

that said, i do need to get that better incorporated into my living. not to say that i should drop out of life and go after every bubble that catches my fancy, rather, i should try, and try hard. regardless of the futility of trying, the hard knocks, the disappointments, and failures, try.

there's really no need in striving for perfection, to be genius in itself, a painting in the classical style or whatever it is - perfection is in trying, for when trying, one is elevated into beauty, not by oneself, but by the very Hand that guides and lifts.

it's hard trying to translate that to reality though, what with the daily grind and constant scrutiny, etc. there always will be the panic that one is not doing enough, that one is just not good enough. but, take a step back, and breathe. for remember, you will never be good enough, you will never do enough, but in simply being, one can be.

Friday, March 14, 2014 10:32 PM

i think that in the end, we always reinforce negative behaviour. it just is so easy, and tempting. always that mentality of "i need to win back so-and-so's favour". just so, intuitive, you know?

but in the end, i think we really need to sit down and think about the big picture. just how many times can one give in to coercive negative behaviour before the other party is spoilt beyond redemption? of course, no one truly is beyond redemption. but why would anyone want to let their loved ones go through all the hard knocks in life that comes with being spoilt?

some days, it feels like it's only me