rhoda. 23. nus. dgms. choir. sing(:


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lalala~ yesterday was sho nice. hehheh.

great. im feelin nauseous again. grr.

i noe i shldnt b sayin dis. but somehow, i still feel guilty. tho i try to push it away, into a tiny little corner of my subconcious mind, i can still sense its presence. tt heavy, burdenin, painful guilt. no matter how happy i am, i cant seem to b truly happy. i noe its very unfair to u if i continue bein lyk dis. but i juz carn seem to forget abt de pain ive caused him. wen im laughin wif u, de little tongues of guilt will giv me no rest, n i fall silent agian. i must. i MUST stop dis. i carn make anyone else unhappy again. esp if its u. i MUST. tho i dunnoe how.

oosh. juz realised sth. i carn listen to some songs without tinkin of u. ohkay. acty moz songs. n it doesnt help tt im tinkin abt u moz of de tym too. hahaz. but its nice tinkin of u anyways. sho deres basically no point in dis poz. sho nvm. heex.

yayness. im a realli happy gal. hahax. paz few days have been realli nice n enjoyable. yippee!! heex.x)

crypto was cancelled due to de teacher wadeva his name ish having ns or sth to de effect. i owaes hav an info overload durin crypto sho anyting mr wadeva says can nvr stick. hehz. n sho we spent lyk de 2 periods in clas. doin hwk. supposedly. but i was too busy doodlin. haha. wrote 2 poems. whee. sho nice. seldom can write 2 poems in one go. n one of dem was lyk 1 pg long. whoots~ hahax.

den went back to dhs wif maymay n kevin. sho dumb. may n i werent even listenin to de choir ppl singin larhz. ohkay. we did. for a while. hahax. but i hav a short attention span kaes. den we started playin arnd wif sher n mays phone. heex. sho cool lorhz. sher has de same phone as stephanie. n may has de same phone as caitlin. ish dis cool or wadd?? hehz. juz different colours larhz. took lots of photos. whee. i dun look sho constipated in photos anymore. yayness. heex. mebbe im learnin to b photogenic. or mebbe im juz deludin myself. heex.

the sops hav improved. tts nice. hahax. but i tink de choir has to work harder as a whole. as de concert ish lyk onli 1 mth away. n ide songs r definetly not performance standard larhz. n some ppl werent even makin an effort. haiz. wad ish de world coming to?

went paya lebar wif may n sher. yay!! i lurve de long john silvers dere!! it holds sho many memories of choir too.x) goin dere after pracs n after sch. makin ketchup n chilli hearts. kuppin fries n crumbs. singin. actin spastic. n bimbotic. ringin de bell. peals of laughter. n joy. i lurve tt place manns. oh myy. i tink im stiu in a poetic mood. lalala. chinese ish waitin for me. grr. i shall stop bein lazy. heex.

lalala~ today ish a happy day. heex.x)

ms toh didnt come today. sho de 1st 2 periods were free. yippee!! supposed to do project larhz. but lyk. juz hu was doin can. hahax. den thursday, bein de slack day it ish. was ohkay larhz. juz tt i stiu dun get math n bio. n i get gastric at de weirdest tyms. n in de weirdest forms. n if its weird for me. its probably bizarre for normal ppl. hehz. all i can say ish ive been eatin very little de past few days, bein very hungry, but unable to eat much. hahax. weird ritez. n its not tt im dun hav appetite or wad larhz. ish feel very nauseous. den cannot eat. grr. i muz eat. before i become even more underweight.>.<

went science centre for ea. quite boring. hahax. or mebbe i juz dunnoe how to appreciate. heex. den i had a stoopid coughing fit n spent de laz 10 mins or so outside de room. lyk dumb. but sth gd did come out of it. heex. nvm. den slacked arnd for 1hr. sho dumb. ylynn, may n i were lyk singin n singin de entire tym. sho funn!!! hahax. miss dhs choir loads mans. de songs were juz sho lovely. bein able to sing dem again produced such joy in me. im a happy gal now.x) n i miss combinin wif de other sections too. cos ylynn ish sop too. sho singin wif her ish quite diff. tho she ish lyk sho power. heex. feel sho zibei. lalala. sho it was nice singin wif maymay. yayy!! cephas joined in a little too. heex.

after tt went parkway. ohmyy. sho fun larhz. heex. had dinner. den played zhong ji mi ma. yayness!! i lurve zhong ji mi ma. it brings back all de wonderful memories of choir too. after pracs, goin to tampines n playin wif de fish soup, ice kacang n chilli. during pracs, playing to force ppl to solo. hehheh. im evil. =) dis simple game ish realli sho impt to me. i dunnoe wad to do if it were to b completely erased frm my life. wld i stiu b able to rmb all de fun tyms i had wif it? i wonder. but aniwaes. im stiu makin many nice nice memories bcos of dis game. yayy! i lurve zhong ji mi ma. kena once. hehz. n well... haha. nvm.

den after tt, we went to de place near de office building on de 6th level. sho nice. i lyk tt place. heex. listened to some lame stufs. i mean lyk, wif ylynn n thomas dere, wad can u expect?? heex. den zhai juan did dis weird fortune telling game tingy. super freaky larhz. lyk. oh my. sho scary. hehz.

my moms pissed now. haiz. i shall come back earlier nxt tym. even tho she DID say tt i can come back at anytym i wan. wadeva.

yoyoyoyoyo!! hahax. im tokkin lyk gim koon. heex. sho slow of me. gettin influenced onli after leavin dhs. ahahz. nvm. im super hyper today. cos im super happy!! yippee!! hahahahaha.

amazingly. in de short span of 5 days, de news has spread far n wide. 11 noes abt it liaoz. lyk grr. heex.

yayyy!! deres no hwk to b handed in tml!! yippee!! hahax. lyk sho amazin. cos for de past wk or sho. been muggin lyk siao. hwk n hwk n more hwk. but today ish sho free!! whee. mebbe deyre juz gearin up to dump anuther pile of hwk on us. but its ohkay. cos at least i hav a break! yayness! heex.

im realli sorry for all tt ive done. i noe tt wadeva i say now cannot really erase de pain tt ive caused u. but i do hope tt time will dull it. n tt u will forget abt it. n move on. n b happy.

great. im cryin. again. but for different reasons dis tym. how can i continue bein such a happy person wen ive hurt someone sho deeply? how can i cry one moment n laugh de nxt? i hate all dis emotional lying goin on inside me. i dun even noe y i do dis all de tym. but its juz sho dishonest. n i hate myself for hurtin ppl. wad right do i hav to take away someone else's joy n laughter? i carn even giv joy n laughter to others. how can i take it away?? i hate myself.

ohkayy. i dun even noe wad im doin online. juz stonin. n readin bloggs. n chattin. wen dere ish a whole pile of hwk waitin to b done. grr. i muz stop procrastinatin. bleagh.

ohwells. at least im wearin a true smile on my face now.x)

oh. did i mention tt we have lyk 2 tests tml?

dis ish dumb. seriously. i got 3 pimples, 1 more wrinkle n a few years shaved of my life due to some uncalled for worryin. ><" lyk honezly. i tink ill scream if i find a white hair. ohwells. wad can i say. the smallest misunderstandin or in dis case, miscommunication can make a big, big, big difference. esp if u tink too much. sho, i shall not tink sho much anymore. oh sheesh. i carn. im blur enuf as it is. grr. nvm. sho... how? hahax. everyones askin mii tt qns. i oso dunnoe how. hahax. but im realli realli sorry for not believin in both of ure. haiz. mi faith in ppl ish juz too little. i shall change. n b more trustin. (tho im gullible enuf but hu cares) yuppz. ohwells. at least i can slp happily tonite. without a wet pillow. x)

it might reflect mi feelins. or it might not. depends on how u look at it.

mimosa

where have the little pink flowers gone?
making the quiet street so forlorn.
wither, wither, the monsoon is past.
over, over. all is but dust.

was fun. dumb. nice. irritatin. sad. disturbin.

all rolled into one.

heex. lame. but it realli was. sum emotional rollercoaster it is. haiz. i tink i juz aged.

stoopid donovan kept touchin mi chin. dat irritatin guy. n i kept screamin. lyk duh. its me wadd. hahax. den i kept laughin. cos cheng kai n donovan were juz sho farnie. haha. n mi face kept turnin red as a result. cheng kai said wad. rhoda's face turns red more den 5 tyms a day. lyk LOL! hahax. but i tink its true. esp since everyones teasin mii abt... sho lyk. can i help it? heex.

den de m.c.f.c. was formed yesterday. whoo~ mc rawks!! hahax. hes lyk sho cute cans. but i wanna announce sth. I M NOT BOY-CRAZY!!! i juz find him shuai tts all. fullstop. draw a line dere. but sumhow or rather, due to cynthia's weird notion, i became the chairperson of m.c.f.c. lyk dots. i tink im more suited to n.m.c.c. neutral mc club. hahax. cos im neither anti him or a fan or his. hahax. im not as siao as perle. hu was lookin out de window durin crypto. heex. sho cute. aniwaes. i wld lyk to thank some ppl lyk cheng kai priscilla for being sho nice n wastin deir smses to confirm tt mc came to vj. hahax.

im stiu veri confused by dis myraid of versions of a single situation. n i dunnoe hu to believe. i wish i cld juz simply believe everyone. but i carn. i mean lyk duh. de versions r contradictory. how can i believe all? haiz. i envy C for bein above it all now. i mean lyk. now C's not bogged down by any of dis. while de rez of us r stiu strugglin. tryin to find a way out. n its not goin to b easy. but i repeat dis. i will not fight wif fwens. sho tho i dun feel lyk lettin go. i tink i will. sorry.

im juz sho confused. y r tings liddat? can i trust A? or shld i trust B? n juz wad ish C doin?

i dun lyk badmouthin ppl. sho i wun elaborate. but i juz wanted to say. no matter wad i feel. i will nvr fight wif a fwen. (or at least try my bez not to) sho yarh. if C realli wans, den wad can i say? all de bez i guess. x(

虽然心中有点不甘愿，但我还是会祝福你的。

ohkay. nvm. tts lame.

haiz. but im troubled. no denyin it. bcos of sth, sth n sth. bleagh. n all cannot b spoken of. haiz.

im realli realli sorry to hueva ive hurt bcos of dis issues. gomene!!!!

short short entry. but i realli dun feel lyk tokkin.

n mi guitar sux. i juz carn play it for nuts. no matter how i practise. hmm. mi hand-eye coordination ish lousy. i admit. n mi mind goes blank weneva i play a piece. or rather de onli piece im able to play.(in bits n pieces) haiz. im sho sorry to mi snrs. bleagh. for lettin ure down. haiz.